Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The adults are the big ones right?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
