We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
