What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
