I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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