JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
