Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
