I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just googled if crying burns calories
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
