I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
