There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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