I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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