it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
