Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
