on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
