i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
