it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
