dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
