I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
