And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
