I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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