did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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