Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
