she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
