and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
