Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
