Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
