idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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