We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
