I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
