He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
