Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(904): View more from Florida

I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.

Fav 6 1636 4006
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(614): View more from Ohio

I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.

Fav 20 2950 5500
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.

Fav 75 1756 6543
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(360): View more from Washington

Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.

Fav 14 5436 1616
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(973): View more from New Jersey

Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping

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(562): View more from California

Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser

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(718): View more from New York

I can see the future and your future is full of penis

Fav 2 778 400
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(973): View more from New Jersey

I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs

(201): View more from New Jersey

And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again

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