She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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