Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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