did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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