Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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