I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
