Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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