she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
