I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
