he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
