And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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