I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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