just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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