Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
