for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Randomize
