plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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