It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
