But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
i now understand why vodka
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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