In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
