so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
