I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
