yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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