In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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