Your face is a jimmy john
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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