i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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