sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
