I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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