Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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